Sarah Ford

As a child, I can remember not wanting to go to school on a Monday morning. I would feel that sense of dread in my stomach. I wasn’t being bullied and I didn’t dislike my teachers. I was never pressured by my parent’s to attain high grades. I had a great childhood. However, this dread remained there, until I was about 18 years of age.

 

I don’t remember the feeling disappearing. I just know it was gone, and it didn’t resurface again until I went through a particularly difficult divorce. I had developed low self-worth and self-confidence. At this time, I was coming to the end of my training as a Registered Nurse. Gradually, over time the dread crept up on me, and I would rush home when I felt it. Depression had started to make it’s way in to my mind also, as I questioned what was wrong with me. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about the anxious feelings that I felt. I didn’t know what they were and how to describe them.

 

The feelings settled again for a few years after completing uni, until one night shift, I encountered an unusual incident, which I did not get debriefed from. It was not until months later after an anxiety attack, that I would learn that I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Flashbacks, physical sensations, nightmares and that dread feeling combined themselves in to one mental nightmare. I had no idea how to cope, or who to talk too.

 

Nothing took the feelings of unease, dread and sadness away. I could not eat properly and my body was weak. After seeing many doctors and nights in hospital, I was on  medication, and I had lost my identity. All I could see was the black hole that hovered in front of me. Words cannot express the pain I felt during this time.

However, my parent’s, my true friends never stopped believing in my power to overcome, and somehow I found the stepping stone to lift me out of the quick sand that I was in. I don’t delve in to this area, as I find it too painful, but believe me when I say that I know that crossing this point, and allowing the help to work – hurts.

 

Once I had been on treatment for a few months and my feelings had stabilised themselves out, I had put on a lot of weight. I had to do something about it, but I was scared. With support, I went to try an Aqua class. Although it was tough, I enjoyed it, and I remember laughing again for the first time in ages. After doing this for a little bit, I thought I would try something that would push me a little further. I saw that the local leisure centre ran a class called Body Combat. A class based on mixed martial arts sounded like something that would be fun. I was terrified, but I did it, and I remember phoning my dad afterwards to tell him how great it was, although I couldn’t keep up with everyone. I walked out of that class and something pivotal had happened to me. The physical act of squeezing my fists, the punching and kicking, and the music, took me to a place internally that I cannot describe, but I knew it was powerful. It was from this point that my life started to change dramatically. Exercise from that point on became part of my lifestyle, and it changed the way in which I perceived and coped with my anxiety, depression and PTSD. Exercise was the prescription that I needed all along. I gained friend, I got physically stronger, I lost weight, my appetite became better, and food was enjoyable again. I began to develop self-worth and self-confidence.

 

This is want I want to pass on to the women who attend the classes that the Sarah Ford Foundation will provide.

Group classes that will provide women with a sense of hope, and the tools to develop self-worth. To help women learn that exercise is not just something that is uncomfortable and boring, and the gym is not a place of feeling self-conscience and scared, but is rather a key to opening new horizons through discovering your own personal power. These experiences in the gym, spill over in to other areas of your life, building your resilience and courage.

 

I don’t live my life anxiety and depression free. I still have my battles. However exercise has given me a life that I could only dream of, and I still can’t believe it some days; how lucky I am. The friends I have made, the places I have visited across the world, and the classes that I teach, plus my own training – well it blows me away.

 

Exercise saved my life, and it is my life purpose to share this gift with other women